Even though we are now separated for 4 years, we have been very careful about what we said to the kids. Obviously the kids knew that I was no longer living in the house, that their mum and dad were separated and moving towards a divorce. They have also met my partner, C, many times and they get along well with her. They didn’t know that she was my girlfriend, however. I have referred to her as my flatmate these past 6 months since she moved in.
Well, tonight I decided to join up the last piece of that jigsaw. I talked about my new relationship to my eldest kids.
Yes, it was somewhat shocking for them. There were some tears. I explained that C was more than just a friend, and that nothing really had changed. I told them that their mother would always be their mother and that no matter what happened, I would always be there for them. I explained that my relationship with their mother was better, now that we were apart. I explained that I might re-marry, but I was at pains to emphasise that I would not run away from them.
Although there were tears, there were many smiles as well. Even though they are still young, the questions they asked showed maturity beyond their years. I’m sure they will have more questions, so I will need to remain sensitive to them over the coming days.
I’m glad I talked to them. My relationship with them means more than anything in the world. I would like to think that despite all the turmoil and uncertainty of the past few years, that the difficulties we have had will not wear on them too much. Time will tell, but so far it’s been OK.
That sounded like a tough but important conversation. You should be proud of yourself for facing that one head on – it sounds like that kind of openness will ensure you keep a strong relationship with your kids.
Thanks a lot – I think it’s better now that it is out in the open. My kids still see me the same, and maybe its even strengthened their relationship with me. Fingers crossed!