Making the move
Sometime next week, I will move out of the family home for good. At least that’s the expectation.
Since I told my wife about having a new girlfriend, things have been OK – I managed to stay in my home for an extra week and we still helped each other with the daily chores. Talk was civil and friendly for the most part. I started looking for a new apartment and in a fairly short period I found one. It’s nice. Down by the water. I’m happy with it. It’s expensive, and I’m not sure if I can really afford it on my salary.
One thing I did though. I told my eldest son. He’s nine. I told him I was moving out. He took it fine. Or so I thought.
I went away on business for a week, returning yesterday. Since I’ve come back things don’t seem the same. My daughter started getting all weepy, accusing me of ignoring her and asking why I have to go away so much. My wife told me that my son had a few anger episodes. My talks with him seem to have affected him badly.
Then tonight, I have a small argument with my wife, resulting in me walking out to the pub. She is waiting for me when I came back. She indicates that this whole situation is driving her crazy. I tell her that I understand, and I take the edge off her anger. Sometimes I think she is the best actor in the world. We have these civil conversations, but underneath her seemingly indifferent exterior there is a molten river of lava flowing. She says she has no feelings for me, but every action of hers in the last week or so seems to belie this point.
This is a really difficult time. A critical moment.
This does sound like a very difficult time. It will be hard on your kids, despite the fact that you’ve moved out before. Even from just reading your blog, this sounds different – permanent. I’ll bet that your kids sense that, and have fears about the future that get played out as anger towards you and towards the world in general.
Don’t change what you are doing – you are doing the right thing for yourself. But take extra time to interact with your kids without your wife around.
And I think that your wife senses the permanence of this move. Don’t fool yourself into thinking that you and your wife will remain friends. The best you can hope for is civil, and that will be in short supply.
But stay the course.
I have the same sentiments as sixdegrees. I feel for you – it must be very hard right now.