A critical juncture
The last time I wrote, a beautiful woman had entered my life showing me such kindness and love that I was bowled off my feet.
Our relationship has since developed. We have met up a few times, made love a few times and shared our thoughts on the future many, many times. It has been incredible, wonderful, sublime. Superlatives escape me. At times, it has also been frustrating.
You see, I am still living at home, and I have yet to tell my wife about all this. Our love therefore is hidden. To all intents and purposes, I am having an affair. I may make excuses, I may say that there are mitigating circumstances, but the surreptitiousness of it all is no different, I would think, than any privately conducted affair anywhere in the world. In the end, two people know something and the other person doesn’t.
My girlfriend does not want to be a mistress and I don’t want that either. I want to live with her and for all this to be out in the open so that both I, my girlfriend and my wife, can get on with our lives. It has been a huge issue for my girlfriend and I can’t blame her.
It’s likely that I will come out with it in the next two weeks, or within the coming month at the latest. I am a bad liar, and the longer this goes on, the more lying I will need to do.
I have to admit that I am scared. Scared of how it will change my relationship with my kids; what it will mean for me personally and what effect it might have on my wife, who is a good person without a nasty bone in her body. I am scared that the happiness I have gained over the past year will be frittered away as I move into a new reality in my life.
On the other hand, my girlfriend wants nothing from me except my love, companionship and company. She is financially independent and relatively well off, and she is happy if all my money goes on my family. She is content to see me doing my very best to participate in the raising of my kids. She does not want to interfere in any way and seems happy with such things as company and love and sharing her ideas and emotions with me. She is an incredible woman who is deeply in love with me. I have never experienced such feelings in a long, long time, if ever. I love her deeply. We are alike in the way we look at the world. We both care deeply for each other.
The next few weeks may be difficult, but they open a door to the future. Let’s see what happens.
It’ll probably surprise you to know that I really enjoyed reading your post. It’s deep and emotional.
I can only say that these things happen. Life is too short to mess up. If you really love this other woman, make a decision.
I think that the sooner you come clean, the better.
Your wife and kids are going to be deeply hurt anyway, and it’s doubtful whether your relationship with your wife can remain friendly under the circumstances.
Unfortunately your kids are in the middle and theit lives will be traumatically effected. But you have to make a choice.
A very thoughtful and emotional post. My advice is that it is far better to reveal the truth yourself than to allow others to find that you have been deceptive. Even if there are mitigating circumstances. It will hurt your wife to hear that you have fallen in love with someone else, but it would hurt her even more to find out that you were living a double life.
Yes, your kids will be affected. But kids know and respond to what their parents are feeling. As your children see their father being happy and interacting with them in a positive way, they will respond. I think the trauma will be short-lived and can be mitigated by remaining involved as a loving and caring parent.
It is ok to be scared. But remember that you have inner strengths that will allow you to overcome your fears and open your heart to the future.
Everybody deserves to be happy. Best wishes as you move forward.
Many thanks to you both for your thoughtful comments.
There is quite a bit of history if you check my blog. It’s all there in gory detail, I’m afraid! My wife and I separated some years ago, but nevertheless I am back in the family home again after a number of setbacks and changes in my life that I could never have anticipated. My wife was aware that I had a relationship while I was separated too. So there’s history there, as they say. It may not be as bad as I think, but we’ll see.
I’ve just read your whole blog and realised that I misunderstood the situation.
I wish you all the best with your new love. As I wrote previously, life is short so don’t screw up.